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150 Funny Quotes About Weed To Brighten Your Day

Funny Quotes About Weed

Feeling stressed? Or bills stacking up? Feeling low because of existential dread? Have no fear! Light up, spark up, or just go with the flow, because we’re going to get high on humor with 150+ Funny Quotes About Weed. From celebrity stoner wisdom to hilarious movie lines, we’ve got everything you need to brighten your day.

The Funniest Quotes About Weed Ever

The Funniest Quotes About Weed Ever
The Funniest Quotes About Weed Ever
  • “I don’t always smoke weed, but when I do, I forget what I was going to say.”
  • “Weed is not a drug, it’s a plant. Therefore, I’m not a drug dealer, I’m a florist.”
  • “I make weed disappear. What’s your superpower?”
  • “Why don’t stoners argue? Because they take the high road.”
  • “I’m not addicted to weed. We’re just in a committed relationship.”
  • “I’m on a seafood diet. I see weed and I eat it.”
  • “The only bad weed trip is running out.”
  • “My dealer is my best bud.”
  • “Roses are red, violets are blue, weed is dope, and so are you.”
  • “I don’t need therapy, I just need a joint.”
  • “My cooking skills are limited to making brownies and weed butter.”
  • “A friend with weed is a friend indeed.”
  • “Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said when I was sober.”
  • “I don’t always talk about weed, but when I do, I get high first.”
  • “Weed: because adulting is hard.”
  • “Stressed, blessed, and weed-obsessed.”
  • “Let’s get lit and forget about it.”
  • “Keep calm and pass the bong.”
  • “Don’t panic, it’s organic.”
  • “There’s no ‘we’ in ‘food’, but there is weed.”

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Funny Quotes About Weed to Live By

Funny Quotes About Weed to Live by
Funny Quotes About Weed to Live by
  • “Life is too short to smoke bad weed.”
  • “Stay high, stay happy.”
  • “Weed every day keeps the stress away.”
  • “Make today so awesome, weed gets jealous.”
  • “A toke a day keeps the worries away.”
  • “Chill out, light up, Weed on, live long.”
  • “Inhale the good vibes, exhale the bad vibes.”
  • “Be like a bong, take it all in, and let it go.”
  • “Happiness is homemade and often smells like weed.”
  • “Keep calm and light up a joint.”
  • “Life is better with a little bit of green.”
  • “Don’t worry, be happy, get high.”
  • “Enjoy the little highs in life.”
  • “Live, laugh, light up.”
  • “A joint a day keeps the bad vibes away.”
  • “Breathe in the future, puff out the past.”
  • “Wake, bake, and be great.”
  • “Puff, puff, pass on the negativity.”
  • “Life is short, so smoke the good stuff.”
  • “Weed Savor the high moments in life.”

Famous Weed Quotes from Celebrities

Famous Weed Quotes from Celebrities
Famous Weed Quotes from Celebrities
  • “I don’t do drugs, though. Just weed.” — Dave Chapelle
  • “Two of my favorite things are sitting on my front porch smoking a pipe of sweet hemp and playing my Hohner harmonica.” — Abraham Lincoln
  • “I think marijuana is the best thing for anxiety and stress.” — Megan Fox
  • “Stop killing each other, man. Let’s just smoke a blunt.” — Tupac
  • “As an artist, there’s a sweet jump-starting quality for me. So if ever I need some clarity, I smoke a joint.” — Lady Gaga
  • “Marijuana is not a drug. It’s a leaf.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • “The drug dealers need to get out of the schools, but let’s face it, they’re not there because of the drugs. They’re there because of the money.” — John Lennon
  • “Marijuana is one of the safest, therapeutically active substances known to man.” — Francis Young
  • “The war on drugs is a war on people.” — Bill Hicks
  • “It makes me feel the way I need to feel.” — Snoop Dogg
  • “I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is an herb and a flower.” — Willie Nelson
  • “I know you’re supposed to take life one day at a time—but lately several days have attacked me at once.” — Charles M. Schulz
  • “I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.” — Bill Murray
  • “It’s hard to be mean when you’re stoned.” — Bill Lee
  • “Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.” — Bob Marley
  • “When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself.” — Bob Marley
  • “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit…unnatural?” — Bill Hicks
  • “I think pot should be legal. I don’t smoke it, but I like the smell of it.” — Andy Warhol
  • “I smoke pot because I want to go to heaven before I die.” — Andy Warhol
  • “Of course I know how to roll a joint.” — Martha Stewart
  • “Marijuana is not a drug!!! I used to suck dick for coke! You ever suck DICK for marijuana?” — Bob Saget
  • “The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.” — Carl Sagan
  • “Marijuana enhances many things, colors, tastes, sensations, but you are certainly not the only person who is more creative when you’re high.” — Stephen King
  • “It really puzzles me to see marijuana connected with narcotics… dope and all that crap. It’s a thousand times better than whiskey—it’s an assistant—a friend.” — Louis Armstrong
  • “I have always loved marijuana. It has been a source of joy and comfort to me for many years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of life, along with beer and ice cream and grapefruits.” — Hunter S. Thompson
  • “The biggest killer on the planet is stress, and I still think the best medicine is and always has been cannabis.” — Willie Nelson

Famous Weed Quotes from Movies

Famous Weed Quotes from Movies
Famous Weed Quotes from Movies
  • “Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage.” — Smokey, Friday
  • “You know you’re really high when you’re trying to brush your teeth with a Snickers bar.” — Silas, How High
  • “All I wanna do is do it.” — Saul, Pineapple Express
  • “Just cause you pour syrup on something doesn’t make it pancakes.” — Huggy Bear, Starsky & Hutch
  • “I’m just gonna sit back and watch the magic happen.” — Kumar, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
  • “Ain’t nobody got my back like weed.” — Silas, How High
  • “Dude, am I stoned or are we on a spaceship?” — Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
  • “If we’re all gonna die, let’s die stoned!” — Jeff, Super Troopers
  • “You mean we’re smokin’ dog shit, man?” — Pedro, Up in Smoke
  • “They should call it Dank Sinatra.” — Ted, Ted 2
  • “Dude, I can’t believe you’re alive. I mean, I can believe it, but I can’t believe it.” — Ted, Ted
  • “This is good shit. Really good shit. You see the devil in the details.” — Danny, This is the End
  • “Hey, you cool, man? Like how a mountain is cool.” — Droz, PCU
  • “I’m thinking… we should buy a bar.” — Marshall, How I Met Your Mother
  • “In the end, weed doesn’t make you lose your ambition, it just makes you realize that your ambition is kind of pointless.” — Ted, Ted
  • “I don’t know what was in that stuff, but I feel like I am floating!” — Isaac, The Night Before
  • “Dude, I almost had a spiritual moment just now.” — Bill, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
  • **”It’s not a toomah!” (said while high) — Arnold, Kindergarten Cop
  • “Dude, I just saw my life flash before my eyes, and it’s mostly just me watching movies and smoking weed.” — Jay, Clerks
  • “Sometimes, all you need is a good friend and a bag of that good chronic.” — Pulp Fiction
  • “What are you lookin’ at? Never seen a grown man smoke weed before?”  — Fast Times at Ridgemont High
  • “Everything is better with a bag of weed.” — Brian, Family Guy Presents: Stewie Griffin – The Untold Story
  • “Do you think I’m acting like a criminal because I’m smoking grass?” — David, Easy Rider
  • “Never doubt the power of weed.” — Pineapple Express

Funny Quotes About Weed from Song Lyrics

Funny Quotes About Weed from Song Lyrics
Funny Quotes About Weed from Song Lyrics
  • “I was gonna clean my room until I got high.” — Afroman, Because I Got High
  • “Smoke weed every day.” — Dr. Dre, The Next Episode
  • “Pass the dutchie pon the left hand side.” — Musical Youth, Pass the Dutchie
  • “Roll, roll, roll your joint, twist it at the end. Take a puff, that’s enough, and pass it to a friend.” — Unknown Artist, Traditional Weed Song
  • “I got no time for the jibber jabber, hit the spliff and I get lifted like a cab dispatcher.” — Cypress Hill, I Wanna Get High
  • “Hits from the bong, can’t go wrong.” — Cypress Hill, Hits from the Bong
  • “One draw, that’s all I need.” — Rita Marley, One Draw
  • “Let’s go get stoned.” — Ray Charles, Let’s Go Get Stoned
  • “Gonna take a freight train down at the station, Lord. I don’t care where it goes.” — Marshall Tucker Band, Can’t You See
  • “Puff the magic dragon, lived by the sea, and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee.” — Peter, Paul and Mary, Puff, the Magic Dragon
  • “Some call it tamjee, some call it the weed, some call it marijuana, some of them call it ganja.” — Peter Tosh, Legalize It
  • “Legalize it, don’t criticize it.” — Peter Tosh, Legalize It
  • “Roll another blunt, oh good. Lifted, shifted, higher than the ceiling.” — Sublime, Smoke Two Joints
  • “We be burnin’, not concernin’ what nobody wanna say.” — Sean Paul, We Be Burnin’
  • “I was gonna go to work, but then I got high.” — Afroman, Because I Got High
  • “Light it up, smoke it up, inhale, exhale.” — Kottonmouth Kings, Suburban Life
  • “Hits from the bong, y’all.” — Cypress Hill, Hits from the Bong
  • “Hey, pass the joint my way.” — Slightly Stoopid, This Joint
  • “Don’t bogart that joint, my friend. Pass it over to me.” — Fraternity of Man, Don’t Bogart That Joint
  • “You know I love that reefer, but it’s hard to find.” — Steve Miller Band, The Joker

Best Quotes About Weed for Friend

Best Quotes About Weed for Friend
Best Quotes About Weed for Friend
  • “Friends don’t let friends smoke alone.”
  • “Life’s better with friends and a joint.”
  • “Good friends bring weed. Best friends roll it.”
  • “I get by with a little help from my friends… and a lot of weed.”
  • “Good friends bring weed. Best friends bring snacks and a joint.”
  • “Weed brings friends together.”
  • “Friends who blaze together, stay together.”
  • “Share a joint, share a laugh, share a memory.”
  • “Friends who roll together, weed together.”
  • “Inhale the good vibes, exhale with friends.”
  • “Friends who puff together, laugh together.”
  • “Life’s highs are better with good friends.”
  • “Friends + weed = happiness.”
  • “Friends don’t let friends smoke schwag.”
  • “Good friends, good weed, good times.”
  • “A joint shared is a joy doubled.”
  • “Friends light up each other’s lives.”
  • “With friends and weed, everyday feels like a Friday.”
  • “Good friends make the highs higher.”
  • “Toke with your friends, laugh with your soul.”

Funny Quotes About Weed for Social Media

Funny Quotes About Weed for Social Media
Funny Quotes About Weed for Social Media
  • “If you’re not talking about weed, I’m not interested.”
  • “My favorite color is sunset… and weed smoke.”
  • “Inhale the good shit, exhale the bullshit.”
  • “I don’t need an inspirational quote, I need weed.”
  • “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy weed, and that’s pretty close.”
  • “Roll it up, light it up, take a puff, pass it to a friend.”
  • “Stressed, blessed, and cannabis obsessed.”
  • “I love the smell of weed in the morning… and afternoon… and night.”
  • “Weekends are for weed and relaxation.”
  • “Life’s too short to smoke bad weed.”
  • “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m high as a kite, how about you?”
  • “I only roll with the best, and by best, I mean the best weed.”
  • “When life gives you lemons, trade them for weed.”
  • “Sativa in the morning, indica at night, keeps everything just right.”
  • “Forget love, fall in weed.”
  • “My hobbies include smoking weed and complaining about not having weed.”
  • “I’m on a see-food diet. I see weed, and I smoke it.”
  • “I don’t smoke weed to escape reality, I smoke weed to enjoy reality even more.”
  • “You miss 100% of the bong hits you don’t take.”
  • “Keep calm and blaze on.”


In conclusion, these 150 funny quotes about weed offer a delightful mix of humor, wit, and wisdom. Whether you’re looking to share a laugh with friends, find a funny quote for social media, or simply enjoy some clever humor, these quotes are sure to hit the mark.

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