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90+ WC Fields Quotes On Life and Laughter

WC Fields Quotes

WC Fields Quotes are timeless gems of wit and humor, offering a delightful escape into laughter and wisdom. His famous lines like “I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally” reflect his unique comedic perspective, making him a beloved figure in entertainment history.

WC Fields Quotes on Overcoming Life’s Challenges

WC Fields Quotes on Overcoming Life's Challenges
WC Fields Quotes on Overcoming Life’s Challenges

“I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.” – W. C. Fields

“I never met a kid I liked.” – W. C. Fields

“I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.” – W. C. Fields

“I drink therefore I am.” – W. C. Fields

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.” – W. C. Fields

“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.” – W. C. Fields

“If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.” – W. C. Fields

“Women are like elephants. I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” – W. C. Fields

“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.” – W. C. Fields

“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?” – W. C. Fields

“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.” – W. C. Fields

“Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.” – W. C. Fields

“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.” – W. C. Fields

“Never give a sucker an even break.” – W. C. Fields

“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.” – W. C. Fields

Funny and Memorable Lines from WC Fields Quotes

Funny and Memorable Lines from WC Fields Quotes
Funny and Memorable Lines from WC Fields Quotes

“Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.” – W. C. Fields

“Sleep – the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.” – W. C. Fields

“Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.” – W. C. Fields

“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.” – W. C. Fields

“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.” – W. C. Fields

“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.” – W. C. Fields

“If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.” – W. C. Fields

“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.” – W. C. Fields

“Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.” – W. C. Fields

“I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.” – W. C. Fields

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” – W. C. Fields

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.” – W. C. Fields

“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.” – W. C. Fields

“Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.” – W. C. Fields

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W. C. Fields

“It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.” – W. C. Fields

WC Fields Quotes on Resilience

WC Fields Quotes on Resilience
WC Fields Quotes on Resilience

“It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.” – W. C. Fields

“I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.” – W. C. Fields

“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.” – W. C. Fields

“There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.” – W. C. Fields

“Show me a great actor and I’ll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you’ve seen the devil.” – W. C. Fields

“I like children – fried.” – W. C. Fields

“The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.” – W. C. Fields

“Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.” – W. C. Fields

“Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.” – W. C. Fields

“On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.” – W. C. Fields

“I must have a drink of breakfast.” – W. C. Fields

“Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.” – W. C. Fields

“I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.” – W. C. Fields

“I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.” – W. C. Fields

“Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.” – W. C. Fields

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WC Fields Neon Sign
WC Fields Neon Sign

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WC Fields Quotes By Whiskey

WC Fields Quotes By Whiskey
WC Fields Quotes By Whiskey

“Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.” – W. C. Fields

“I’d like to see Paris before I die… Philadelphia will do.” – W. C. Fields

“I like to keep a bottle of whiskey nearby in case I encounter a snake, which I also keep handy.” – W. C. Fields

“Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.” – W. C. Fields

“It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.” – W. C. Fields

“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” – W. C. Fields

“Don’t worry about temptation; as you grow older it starts avoiding you.” – W. C. Fields

“There’s nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.” – W. C. Fields

“I never had any ambition at all. If I did, I would probably be working and honking down a horn.” – W. C. Fields

“To sell a man on himself is most effective sales technique invented.” – W. C. Fields

“All things considered, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.” – W.C. Fields

“I was in love with a beautiful blond once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.” – W.C. Fields

“Children should neither be seen nor heard from – ever again.” – W. C. Fields

“Women are crazy about pets. They’re just crazy. Pets have nothing to do with it.” – W.C. Fields, Three Films of W.C. Fields: Never Give a Sucker an Even Break / Tillie and Gus / The Bank Dick

WC Fields Quotes on Women And Drinking

WC Fields Quotes on Women And Drinking
WC Fields Quotes on Women And Drinking

“I exercise extreme self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.” – Robert Lewis Taylor, *W. C. Fields: His Follies and Fortunes* (1949-50)

“Egbert, is it true that married people live longer? No, it just seems longer.” – *The Bank Dick* (1940 film)

“Whilst traveling through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days.” – *My Little Chickadee* (1940 film)

“There are only two real ways to get ahead today – sell liquor or drink it.” – W. C. Fields

“If there’s a will, prosperity can’t be far behind.” – W. C. Fields

“The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.” – W. C. Fields

“You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.” – W. C. Fields

“The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.” – W. C. Fields

“I don’t know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.” – W. C. Fields

WC Fields Quotes On Death

WC Fields Quotes On Death
WC Fields Quotes On Death

“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.” – W. C. Fields

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.” – W. C. Fields

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.” – W. C. Fields

“I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?” – W. C. Fields

“My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.” – W. C. Fields

“Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.” – W. C. Fields

“Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.” – W. C. Fields

“During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.” – W. C. Fields

“I never drink water… fish f**k in it.” – W. C. Fields

“We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is always placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything – coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing. I will make mine whisky.” – W. C. Fields

“The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.” – W. C. Fields

WC Fields Quotes That Brighten Your Day

WC Fields Quotes That Brighten Your Day
WC Fields Quotes That Brighten Your Day

“I like children. If they’re properly cooked.” – W. C. Fields

“I am known for running my fingers through my hair, just not my own hair.” – W. C. Fields

“I never drink water because it dilutes the whiskey.” – W. C. Fields

“I used to be disgusted, now I’m just amused.” – W. C. Fields

“I love liberty like most people love sleeping.” – W. C. Fields

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – W. C. Fields

“Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.” – W. C. Fields

“Nobody forces me to work. I am tied to nothing, obliged to nothing.” – W. C. Fields

“Hypocrisy is the homage that vice pays to virtue.” – W. C. Fields

“Happiness is nothing more than a state of mind and a bottle of booze.” – W. C. Fields

“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” – W. C. Fields

“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn themselves over.” – W. C. Fields

“The best cure for insomnia is a night of sleep.” – W. C. Fields

“It ain’t what a man knows that hurts him; it’s what he knows that ain’t so.” – W. C. Fields

“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Believe me, rich is better.” – W. C. Fields

“Nobody works harder or longer hours than my friend Mr. Godfrey.” – W. C. Fields

“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The other half I wasted.” – W. C. Fields

Conclusion

The enduring humor and wit of W.C. Fields are encapsulated in his memorable quotes. Known for his sharp tongue and distinctive comedic style, W.C. Fields’ quotes continue to amuse and inspire generations. His clever observations on life, often laced with sarcasm and irony, remain timeless. Whether delivering a punchline or offering a wry take on human nature, W.C. Fields’ quotes exemplify the brilliance of his comedic legacy.

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